Hello! How are you? How are you really? Did you wake up this morning full of excitement, focusing on the possibilities, ready for another wonderful day?

Or have you forgotten what that's like? Are you facing challenges that sometimes seem insurmountable? I resonate with that, more often than I'd like to. Maybe you do, too.

I'm writing this to you so you remember. I want you to remember you're amazing, every minute of every day.

If you're not nodding your head, think about this: your body made a person (or several). That alone makes you amazing. You got up this morning, like every other morning, and regardless of your external circumstances, you chose to take on your day. Perhaps you made breakfast (and lunch) for your kids before you got busy at your job or business so you can keep the lights on and doors open. I bet you probably either did a load of laundry or at least thought about doing it later, along with a few (million) other things that need to get done today and every day. I'm sure you hugged and kissed your children and put a smile on your face. All of these things, and all of the other things you take for granted about yourself, make you amazing.

Look back over your life and do a mental review of your past challenges. You are still here. That also makes you amazing. Realize that in the midst of all of them, you may have thought you couldn't, or didn't want to, go on. You conquered these challenges and will conquer many more.

Here is your daily successful single mom affirmation: 

I am a Successful Single Mom who loves her children, herself and her life. I'm breaking through and attaining new heights of success, wealth, joy and happiness. I'm conquering challenges in daily life and in my job, career or business. I'm successful in the way I define success. I'm happy where I am and am always looking to go to the next level, for myself and my children. I wants more, better, the best! I'm determined to go for it and know in the end I'll get anything and everything I truly want. I know I'm in the right place, at the right time, creating just what I want to create. I am unstoppable.

You are unstoppable. Always remember that.

With love, light & admiration,

Honoree

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So it seems to me that single moms are coming out of the woodwork... or maybe I'm just seeing it more?  Although I've been a single mom for over 12 years now, it seems it's just been this year that single moms are everywhere.  Maybe it's because I don't feel as if that is some sort of affliction anymore.  Maybe it's because of Honoree and her book that I feel that I'm not so alone.  Whatever the reason, I'm feeling the strength of single moms growing!

Part of my awareness is also about this site, the book, and the radio show.  I keep thinking of these various single moms that either need to read Honoree's book or be interviewed on her radio show.  Like poor Kate Goslin (from Jon & Kate plus 8.... minus one now), she needs Honoree's book like no body's business!  She's about to embark on single motherhood with 8 kids and a million paparazi and billions of TV viewers.  There's no better example of someone who needs Honoree's help through this period in her life!

 Then there's Mary Pols, author of the book "Accidentally On Purpose: The True Tale of a Happy Single Mother" which is being made into a sitcom this fall.   I got the chance to preview the sitcom and review it (which will be posted on my personal blog in the next day or two) and I just loved it!  Mary Pols would be a perfect guest on Single Mom Revolution Radio!  She's funny, interesting, and has traversed through this single mommyhood in a unique way.  

 Whatever the situation that brought us to this point in our lives, by accident or by circumstances, what I see more than anything else, is that we are not alone!  There is someone else who is going through or has gone through  what you are going through.  That's what this community is about too.  To come together and give each other encouragment and support and to show you that you are not alone!  That one thing has made me feel so good, so strong in my life, to know that I'm NOT alone!

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... we may wobble, but we don't fall down!

Its been a week of challenges. Starting with some wicked PMS and the accompanying headache (Lord, is all that really necessary?) and ending with listening to my girlfriend share with me that her soon-to-be-ex-husband told her today (and I quote), "I won't stop until I've pummeled you into the ground. Until you are broken and your spirit is gone. Then I will be fine."

What a peach.

I digress.

What I know about single moms, what I learned about myself as a single mom, is that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how dark the darkness, we are super stars who make it through, only to come out the polished, shinier versions of our former selves.

Single moms, it is impossible for you to fail as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can not only survive, you can rise like a phoenix from the ashes, as a joyful, happy, deliciously energizing being. Keep your eyes firmly focused on your vision and let nothing stop you (even if you have to take it slow now and again).

Hang in there. The best is yet to come!

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 Lexi, Age 5 ... end of year 2 of SingleMomDom

I was single for six and a half years (that's 2,372 days!). During that time, I dated every jackass from A-Z. There were some good guys in there, too ... my attraction to "player - bad boys" probably had me pass on a couple of suitable mates. In any event, more than 3 years ago, I got some very valuable advice that I believe helped me to find and choose the man who is now my husband.

I thought now might be a good time to pass this advice and information on to you, since some of you have asked. I also just had about the 20th conversation with a woman who's in a relationship that's "pretty good." I was there, too, and I opted to end it. I knew it wouldn't be forever and I knew it wasn't what I needed in the long run (it was safe, I was adored, but I wasn't challenged ...). I have found myself saying that Good Enough will eventually lead to unhappiness and (probably) an end to that relationship. Plus, I believe everyone deserves a true Mr. Wonderful!

The first piece of advice was to choose a man who I was not instantly attracted to ... meaning, I could wait to see if there was substance underneath the sex appeal. Next, I was to define my reason for dating and share it on the first date. Third, pick a guy that was immediately attracted to me, my mind and my body type (and someone who didn't place conditions on 30 lbs. up or down ... who just loved me for me, all of me). Finally, he had to have the same values and aspirations. (There was one more thing: wait to have sex until ... well, that's a whole other post! So, more on that later.)

For me, this meant I had to be unattached to the outcome. If he didn't call, I couldn't care. If he did call, great! It also meant I had to say why I was dating (note: there are all kinds of reasons for dating ... companionship, regular sex, to get married, to not get married, to have children ... or any combination of these and many more). I wanted a mutually-beneficial, sustaining relationship with my best friend that could last for the rest of my life (marriage and additional children not a must, but not against it entirely either) with a man who could love my daughter as his own. And, I have a few things going on, and I wanted someone who thought a strong, woman up to big things was really freakin' cool (not an assault on his fragile male ego).

 Sunset Wedding in our Backyard

 Beachfront Honeymoon on St. Maarten

Because I was unattached to the result at this point, I could take my time and discover who I was meeting and get to know him. I was able to say what I wanted, ask what he wanted, and ask other tough questions without wondering (worrying) if he liked me ... or not. 

Last August, I married a truly wonderful man. He's loyal, honest, ambitious, funny, intelligent, kind and my daughter loves him. (Almost as much as I do!)

 I think its important to note that once I got this advice, I took myself off the market. No dating. At. All. For. 3. Years. I knew I had a lot of work to do on myself. I got very clear on what I wanted (see above) and then got busy becoming the person "that guy" would be attracted to ... a woman who was whole, complete, self-sufficient, powerful and all-around just a pretty happy person (with or without a man). Apparently for me, that process took about 3 years. Sometimes I can be a slow learner. :) 

If you desire a relationship that is magical, hopefully some of my words will be helpful. I wish you all of the joy and happiness your heart can stand, and just the minute you desire it. Being married to Mr. Wonderful was truly worth the work, and the wait.

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Those were Lexi's words to me a few days ago. I almost fell over! In our house, we use the term "bonus dad" inspired by Will Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith. I've always hated the term "step-mom or -dad." The connotation isn't positive in my mind ~ I guess I watched Cinderella too many times as a kid.

Lexi's biological dad doesn't have contact with her and hasn't for quite some time. Her only true dad figure has been her bonus dad for the past year and a half. When I asked her why she wants to call him dad, she said, "Because I feel like it now." Who knows what's really going on in her mind and heart. While Big B can never replace her "other dad" as she calls him, he has certainly done something right. I'm happy that she's happy and feels safe and loved.

I didn't put any pressure on Lexi, I just let things evolve naturally and let her take the lead. I introduced them when I was pretty sure I knew he would play a significant, long-term role in my life. Kids are pretty quick and intuitive, and mine is no different. She liked him right away and said so. I'm so blessed to have the two people I love the most love each other.

What words of wisdom do you have to your fellow single moms about how to handle this most delicate of situations?

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