I've lost two friends this week - one age 41 and the other age 35. Between bouts of sadness, I've been sitting in contemplation, asking questions. What are the lessons? Why the loss of such lovely spirits so young? Sometimes the question is just "Why?"
As a single mom for almost 7 years, I can look back and see the lessons. Had I asked some key, powerful questions, I might have learned some of those lessons sooner and even had the opportunity to miss having to learn some quite painfully. It took me a few break-ups to sit and ask myself the lessons I needed to learn and the things I needed to pay attention to before embarking on the next relationship.
Are the questions you're asking yourself empowering questions? Do they help you to focus on the good, to move forward, to forgive? It may be hard to look back with compassion to the people who treated you poorly, forgive them and release them to their greater good ~ but the benefits to you are amazing! Don't begrudge anyone, it only serves to hold some valuable mental real estate that could be better used to help you to become the successful single mom I know you want to be, for yourself and your kids.
Ask yourself questions that make you feel great, or at least better. Here's one to get your started: "How did I get so lucky to have such great kids?"
With a list of things to do as long as your arm, I know it's tough to take some time for yourself. Perhaps the likelihood of you taking a two-week European vacation is as likely as me going to the moon (very-highly-unlikely). I get it.
Time to relax, recharge and rest is an absolute necessity. It's good for the mind, body and spirit. As usual, single moms are the first to put themselves last, so what can you do? You can take mini, super-mini and ultra-mini vacations.
The mini-vacation: a two-to-three-day weekend when your kids are at their dads, their grandparents or your best friend's house. When I have a few days to myself, I do all of the things that just aren't possible when my sweet daughter is around: read a book uninterrupted for hours, take a looooong nap, go window-shopping, meet a good friend for lunch or maybe even a spa day (afternoon?) ... this list is endless!
The super-mini vacation is from a few hours to 24 hours long. It's can be the ultimate self-care stay-cation. Buy some bath potions, get a nice bottle of wine, some ice-cream and other favorite foods and put yourself in seclusion. Or put yourself in seclusion with an amazing girlfriend so you can catch up ... or another special friend.
The ultra-mini lasts from 30-seconds to 5 minutes. Try a closed-eye meditation that allows you to release tension from every inch of your body and infuse it with good vibrations. You can find great, free meditations on iTunes or YouTube. Sometimes if that's all you get, that's all you get. Make the most of what you get!
In the end, putting yourself first will make your kids feel amazing! Wouldn't you agree that every kid wants a happy mom?
Spend some time very soon taking care of you.
The first couple of years of being a single mom were some of the toughest and darkest years I can remember. Wondering if I would be single forever. Hopeful I would be a good mom and would raise a happy, well-adjusted young lady. Wanting to be successful enough to provide not just the basics but some extras, too.
The lesson that kept repeating itself until I got it (and isn't that the way it always is?) was this: Everything always works out the way its supposed to, and suffering is optional.
Worrying doesn't help. Stressing doesn't help. Trying to force a result doesn't work. The only thing that I know for sure that works is to let go and have faith. A positive attitude and expecting great things also makes the process easier.
If you're "in your shit," in the midst of a challenge, or just having a tough day, let the situation go. Expect everything to work out for the good of all concerned and put your focus on what's really important: you and your kids.
Hang in there, single moms. It really will all be okay.
"The antidote of fear is faith." ~Honoree
I'm on my way to a jewelry party this afternoon with about 20 other women ... most of them moms. Their children (including mine and two of her friends) will all be there, for a total of about 40 people. It promises to be a wonderful time of laughing, eating, drinkings, shopping and bonding.
We've been doing events like this, both with children and without, for the past few months and they are such great fun. We're even working on starting a book club in the next few weeks.
If its Saturday (or any day) and you're home alone with your kid(s), wondering how to add more fun to your life, this is one way I know for sure works! Gather up your (single and non-single) mom friends and plan events at the park, your house, their house, the library ... wherever!
As my daughter's best friend Kelsey's mom says: "There's safety in numbers!"
Sometimes its hard to open up to other women, but I can tell you from personal experience, its really worth it!
Posted by: belladane in Single Moms, Parenting, myblog, Money, Cash, Moolah, Dinero, Moms, Ideas, Giveaway, Getting Your Groove Back on
Jan 08, 2010
http://www.myriskfreemagazine.com
Hello ladies, just wanted to share with you this site I found! If your anything like me & love reading up on the latest celeb gossip, fashion, or woman's living, then your going to Love Free & Risk Free without paying a cent! I'm a single mom, money is tight so i HAD to share, enjoy ;)
