My daughter doesn't care how much money I make (or don't make), what kind of car I drive or how good I look in a pencil skirt, all she wants is quality time. She wants to help me cook, play the Wii, even help me file my receipts. She's an excellent "shipper" ... she puts labels on packages I mail out and stamps on notes I write. All of that in her mind is QT: quality time.

It's so hard working, keeping the house in order, the paper monster under control and let's not mention the dust bunnies (dust rhinos?) that need to be eliminated. All of that can wait, I've discovered, in exchange for the joy I see on my daughter's face when I shine my light on her.

So we've been playing games, reading books together and every day for the past couple of weeks I've taken her to the pool. In our community we have a great pool where the residents gather to eat, socialize and play (let's not forget tanning, there's a lot of tanning going on!). Even with 45 minutes between homework or errands or karate, we run up there just to have a smidgin of fun before it's back to whatever is next.

I know for sure I'm all the better for turning off the computer, the phones, and the TV and just asking her what she wants to do with me. Sometimes it is turn on the computer and play a game, rent a movie and pop popcorn or just read another book in the Nancy Drew series. Take some extra time very soon to shine your light on your kids and watch how happy all of you become. That's what I call a successful single mom in action!

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Those were Lexi's words to me a few days ago. I almost fell over! In our house, we use the term "bonus dad" inspired by Will Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith. I've always hated the term "step-mom or -dad." The connotation isn't positive in my mind ~ I guess I watched Cinderella too many times as a kid.

Lexi's biological dad doesn't have contact with her and hasn't for quite some time. Her only true dad figure has been her bonus dad for the past year and a half. When I asked her why she wants to call him dad, she said, "Because I feel like it now." Who knows what's really going on in her mind and heart. While Big B can never replace her "other dad" as she calls him, he has certainly done something right. I'm happy that she's happy and feels safe and loved.

I didn't put any pressure on Lexi, I just let things evolve naturally and let her take the lead. I introduced them when I was pretty sure I knew he would play a significant, long-term role in my life. Kids are pretty quick and intuitive, and mine is no different. She liked him right away and said so. I'm so blessed to have the two people I love the most love each other.

What words of wisdom do you have to your fellow single moms about how to handle this most delicate of situations?

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As I said in my Single Mom's Motivational Minute #12, there's safety in numbers. Meaning, the more kids you have around, the easier it is! 

I won't dispute that this weekend I had to make three times the pancakes, brownies and pizza, but it was genuinely fun. Fun to hear the laughing and giggling, fun to take the kids out for frozen yogurt, fun to help Lexi learn to ride her bike with the other kids cheering her on.

I made the mistake of keeping the 1:1 ratio for too long! I learned something valuable this weekend, and that's that the more the merrier! The more kids you can round up, the more fun it is.

I also found out I can get things done because they entertain themselves. Don't get me wrong, this isn't day 1 of me letting Lexi play with other kids. She's had plenty of sleepovers, just always with one other kid (save for the slumber party of a few months ago). This weekend our friends asked us to take Kelsey (Lexi's BFF) and Jared (the little brother). So we did. I was a little concerned that Jared would get left out or feel like odd-man-out, but that never happened. The other kids in the neighborhood hopped on their bikes and everyone played together. It was great.

Its worth saying again (I think anyway), that you would be well served to make friends with other moms and single moms and work together. The kids have fun and so do the moms. 

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After being divorced for six years, I had occasion to connect with my former sister-in-law when she came to Las Vegas for a visit a few months ago. I had never asked if Lexi could visit (I didn't want to overstep), so I was really happy when she requested I send her for a visit.

While the situation with her dad is less than ideal (by court order, a therapist has deemed visitation and conversation a "no" for the foreseeable future), her other relatives on his side of the family are great in number, and, as her recent visit showed, they are great in hospitality and graciousness. The visit could not have gone better, and these budding relationships could not be going better.

If the situation with your ex is less-than-ideal, do you reach out to your children's paternal relatives? Are they open and receptive? How do you handle any estrangement or relationship challenges with your ex and his family?

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