Honoree's been after me to post an update on my "Baby Steps", but I've been hesitant because there hasn't been a whole lot to post.   The old saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all", is something that I hold dear.  Of course that sometimes keeps me very quiet.  However, she talked me into posting anyway, no matter what I had to say... good, bad, or ugly.  So here it is, the brutal truth.

 That first day after I posted was the only day I've stuck to my steps.  I guess the only positive thing I can say is that I haven't gained any weight since I last posted.  Which is why I didn't want to post yet.  I don't like being a "negative" person, I like being positive, cheerful, encouraging... but honestly, I'm not always those things.

 I can give you all sorts of reasons why I haven't exercised, from being busy at work to not feeling very good.  All true, at least to a certain extint.  If I had really wanted to, I could make the time and force myself to exercise, but I didn't.  I wanted to want to, but I didn't.

 So, now I have to figure out what it is that is keeping me from getting myself into good health.  I know I want to lose weight, gain more energy, and feel better, but what obstacles, what old beliefs are keeping me where I am?  Am I really just too lazy to change my habits?   Do I still feel that I need to be punished for things that I'm still feeling guilty about?  Am I afraid of rejection of those around me?

Ok, that last one, that sounds silly doesn't it? But it hit a nerve!  Is it possible that I'm afraid that those I love will reject me when I'm healthier?  Could the fear of rejection really be keeping me in this body and frame of mind?  Ok, I"m going to really look at this because my eyes are welling up with tears at the tought of losing my boyfriend if I got thin again.

Why would I feel that he would reject me if I was healthy?  Well, maybe because all the other men in my life rejected me while I was healthy.  Maybe my heart and soul have connect the two without my conscious mind realizing it!

First there was my dad.   I never met my dad until a few years ago.  And although he didn't outright reject me, he also didn't "work" or try to get to know me after I found him.  I tried for a little while to create a relationship with him, but he wasn't putting any effort into it.  I finally stopped trying, figuring if he wasn't willing to at least meet me half way, then he wasn't worth my effort.

Then there is my brother, who I haven't talked to in about 7 years.  He was the only man in my life growing up, he was my hero as a little girl, but he stopped being even a brother to me 7 years ago.  

The two men that meant the most to me in my life have made me feel like I didn't matter.  But now, Steve, he makes me feel like I'm the most important person in the world.  He cares about me in a way that I thought was not possible.  I love him with all my heart and soul and know that he loves me the same.  But there's a part of me that wonders how long that will last.  Wonders if there is something about me that will push him away.

I know that he loves me just the way I am.  He's even told me that I'm cute and sexy right now.  Not that he wants me to stay overweight, but he wants me to know that he wants me as I am, no matter what that is.  I guess, I'm just afraid that if anything changes about me, that it will somehow change his love for me, or jinx it.

 That sounds rediculous!  It's certainly not very rational or logical, but since when are negative feelings rational or logical... usually their the exact opposite!  So what do I do now?  How do I change this fear of losing this wonderful man into something logical?

*hint there's this great book out for single moms to help them get their life back, maybe you've heard of it?  The Successful Single Mom by Honoree Corpron.  Believe me when I tell you, I refer to this book and the things that are in it all the time!

In Chapter Two "Create a New Story", Honoree has a section about the truth.  In it there is a "Truth Test".  During the program that the other single moms and I went through, she had us do this as well.  However all this stuff that I'm discovering right now about my weight issues did not come up.  So I"m going to do it now.

Old Truth - If I lose weight or change myself in any way, I"m going to lose Steve.  He's going to leave me any minute because every man I have ever cared about has left me.

Is that the Truth?  NO!  Steve loves me, no matter what.  Our relationship is very strong, has gone through many things and he's still here.  We keep getting closer together, not further apart. 

Why is it false?  Just because other men in my life have abandoned me, doesn't mean that Steve will.  It was a problem within themselves NOT ME!  I am worthy of being loved and having a wonderful relationship and I deserve a good relationship.  Steve is not like the other men in my life.

How do you feel when you think its true?  I feel like crying.  I feel a pit in my stomach and my heart aches to think of losing Steve.

How do you feel when you think its false?  Much better.  I feel hopeful and positive and strong when I think that I deserve to be loved.

What could my new truth be?  That I am a strong, caring, loving, wonderful woman who deserves the most amazing kind of love there is.  The kind of love that is unconditional and long lasting.

I fell much better now.  I feel strong and positive and hopeful!  I think I've been holding onto that for a while and didn't even realize it.  Maybe I can let go of the fear and move onto happier healthier things.

So now that you've read through this incredibly long and rambling discovery post with me, I'd like to ask you something.  What is a "Truth" that you are holding onto that is keeping you from being successful? 

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I found something I really want on Sunday. In fact, its become my new obsession, the focus on my burning desire.

I've been reading Think and Grow Rich repeatedly this year and chapter 2 is about just that: having a burning desire. I wasn't sure until 48 hours ago what that really meant. Now I do.

In reflecting on how I'm going to obtain it, I realized the first step in the process of getting something one really wants is to have hope. If you don't have hope, you just won't even begin to try. The first thoughts quickly lose out to our mental gremlins and we settle for what we currently have.

Hope isn't a success strategy; however, so over the coming weeks, days and months I'm going to peel back the layers of the onion ... the layers being the action steps to get to the goal.

Let's start with what you're hoping for ~ what's the one thing you really, really want that you may not have even allowed yourself to speak out loud. Leave a comment so we can all cheer for you as we travel down this path together.

 Here we go!

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The age old question: "what comes first, the chicken or the egg?" New question: "what comes first: feeling great comes from great results or great results come from feeling great?"

Laurie, one of the moms who I coached as part of the book, noticed she felt amazing first and then the magic and miracles happened. To quote her on the 100th day: "If I jumped out of my skin, I couldn't catch myself." She's a pretty special person who has an incredibly wonderful attitude. Its no wonder she has really cool stuff happen to her all the time. She said to me just this morning that she is constantly working on herself because she knows it works.

While it seems as though a decent-sized portion of our country is experiencing challenges, especially financial challenges, they also seem to be focusing on what they don't want: lack and limitation and financial challenges. A coincidence? I don't think so! I wonder what would happen if, as a collective whole, we all focused on opportunities, low-hanging fruit and our preferred and desired futures. Just a thought.

As a single mom, I had some of the hardest days and darkest times of my life. I noticed when I did internal shifting (focused on myself and my personal growth), my external results changed. I wrote about that topic here: http://tinyurl.com/cnssxb. I hope you agree: that's fantastic news!! You can't control how much money the President spends, the value of your home or even your children ... what you can control is what goes on between your ears ... which ultimately controls what goes on in your life. (I know, isn't that fantastic?). Once I came to that realization, my life has taken new and delightful turns.

I hope yours does, too.

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I've been working on changing my attitude towards exercise over the last several months.  I'm trying to lose weight, feel great, and look as fabulous as I feel on the inside.... but I keep losing track instead of losing weight.  Partly because of laziness, partly because I've never had trouble with my weight until I edged passed age 30 and partly because it's never been important to me to exercise.  So how the heck do I change such an ingrained way of thinking??

Baby Steps!

 I forgot that I can't change something overnight that has taken me 30 some years to create.  I didn't gain this weight or outlook overnight, although sometimes it feels like I did.  So I can't expect to change it faster than I created it.  

Honoree talks about baby steps in her book, The Successful Single Mom, and I've read it in other books too.  Now, I have to actually implement the baby steps.  So this is my plan of attack!

My Final Outcome:

To be a healthy, sexy, energetic woman weighing 125 lbs.

Baby Steps

1. Exercise one day a week for a month - yes I know, one day doesn't sound like much, but it's HUGE when you don't exercise at all!  If I try to force myself to exercise more times during the week, then I"ll find a way to back out of it.  However, if I know I have a week to do it, then I"ll get it done.  THEN when I exercise, say on Monday or Tuesday, I'll feel good about doing it and on Wednesday or Thursday, I may decide to put in an "extra" workout and feel extra great!  But if I don't, I won't be beating myself up for it.
2. Replace one meal a day with protein shake - This is an easy step for me because I don't really like eating breakfast.  So breakfast will be the meal I replace first.  I"ll get the protein and energy I need for the day, but very little calories to have to work off.
3. Exercise 2 times a week - this is where I step up my commitment.  I add another day to my regimen.  Maybe I've already started doing 2 days a week, but it wasn't a requirement so it didn't feel too difficult to do!
4. Replace second meal a day with protein shake - When I step up my exercise I'll step up my dieting plan as well.
5. Exercise 3 times a week - Again, I'm stepping up my commitment, probably after I've already started doing this, but that's ok....

I'll keep adding another day of work outs to my week until I've gotten all the way up to 6 days of workouts every week.  I think I can do this much better this way, than trying to go all out when it's been forever since I've been in any kind of shape to work out.

So here I go... actually I'm heading downstairs right this minute to do my workout for the week.  I'll let you all know how my Baby Steps are going!

Baby steps can be used on anything that you're having a hard time dealing with or feeling overwhelmed by.  Take a look at the task and break it down to the simplest form possible.  Then do that one thing and nothing else!  Let yourself work up to the whole project as slowly as you need, don't get frustrated or start flogging yourself for not doing enough.  Whatever you can handle is enough!

So what is it that you need to take Baby steps to do?  Do you need help figuring out how to break it down?  Let us help!  Leave a comment and we can chat about how to break down that seemingly immovable mountain into a molehill!

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If you would like to participate, please fill out the survey located here: http://tinyurl.com/csyewr.

My co-writer Grace and I are looking for single moms who are interested in testing and evaluating recipes in exchange for a copy of the book (and our unending appreciation!).

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