I chatted with you awhile ago about holding out for Mr. Wonderful. There's nothing better than being in relationship with a truly amazing human being that you can't imagine living without.
When coaching the single moms, we talked about our sex lives post-divorce and what we'd learned. I promised I'd share what I'd learned. Maybe you'll find a little helpful nugget here ...
The same woman that taught me to say what I wanted and ask the tough questions taught me about how sex affects a woman. Apparently we're biologically set-up to be "connected" to a man from the time we have sex with him until we have our next period. Theoretically, we could be pregnant, so nature has us so that we don't just move on to the next guy.
That's all fine and great if we've found a solid guy who has our best interests at heart. Not so great if he's a player who could potentially break our heart. Being able to speak up for what you want (and don't want) and asking about his intentions before you hop in the sack can save you some easily avoidable heartache.
Once I gained that clarity, I stopped rushing to add the sexual component to my relationships and was able to sort through the players to get to the good guy. Without even blinking an eye.
Might I also add that I learned to make sure that my potential suitors found me and my body type hot and sexy ... up or down 30 lbs. or more. Its hard to be in a relationship with someone who expects you to look a certain way (i.e., wear make-up all the time ~ yuck), or maintain a certain weight. I like working out as much as the next gal (
), but I just can't be overly concerned about having an extra cookie (or 7) now and again.
Coach's suggestion: Get clear about what you want. Get clear about what you don't want. Say it early, before you get attached. Avoid getting attached to the wrong guy by saying and asking. Take your clothes off when you're sure it means something (it doesn't have to mean everything, but it is good if it means something).
While you're doing all this, getting yourself some pretty undies is a great idea (just so you're prepared!).
... we may wobble, but we don't fall down!
Its been a week of challenges. Starting with some wicked PMS and the accompanying headache (Lord, is all that really necessary?) and ending with listening to my girlfriend share with me that her soon-to-be-ex-husband told her today (and I quote), "I won't stop until I've pummeled you into the ground. Until you are broken and your spirit is gone. Then I will be fine."
What a peach.
I digress.
What I know about single moms, what I learned about myself as a single mom, is that no matter how hard it gets, no matter how dark the darkness, we are super stars who make it through, only to come out the polished, shinier versions of our former selves.
Single moms, it is impossible for you to fail as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can not only survive, you can rise like a phoenix from the ashes, as a joyful, happy, deliciously energizing being. Keep your eyes firmly focused on your vision and let nothing stop you (even if you have to take it slow now and again).
Hang in there. The best is yet to come!
I got an "unsubscribe" email today for my blog from an old, dear friend. When I've thought of her, which is more often than I've made time to reach out, I've thought of her fondly (even though she did introduce me to my first husband). As life happens, its been awhile since I've reached out personally.
The last time we spoke, which was more than a year ago, she told me she loved my email messages and that's how she kept up with me and what I was doing. We had a pretty good conversation, but I ended that conversation feeling sad that she was frustrated with so many areas of her life.
So I responded with "I'm happy to unsubscribe you, is it something I've done?" I got a rather flip and sarcastic answer, something about how friends never send professional communication to each other and they certainly aren't a friend if they don't reach out with personal message.
Note: I just double-checked my voicemail and email inboxes and I don't seem to have any personal messages myself!
The problem is, at one point in my life, she was one of my closest friends. Part of me wants to fight for the friendship ~ call her, tell her I love her and promise to talk more often. The other part of me thinks that if I were that important, I would have heard from her! Maybe I should wish her well and let it go.
So ladies, what should I do? I have some ideas, but would really love you to weigh in.
I'm sitting here, at 3:05 p.m., waiting for my 1:30 p.m. appointment to show up. She's a client, and I'm sure she had something unexpected happen (read: I'm not upset and still making the most of my minutes).
It got me thinking about how keeping our word ~ or not ~ affects us. It affects how others feel about us. It affects how we feel about ouselves. Ultimately, it affects our self-esteem, which is what rules our lives!
The best way, in fact, to raise your self-esteem is to make a commitment to yourself ... and keep it. When you promise yourself not to touch the cheesecake (or in my case, popcorn ... in about 3 hours I will face temptation ... I will not give in!), then don't touch the cheesecake. When you tell yourself you're going to workout, then do it. Every time you break a promise to yourself, you lose credibility with yourself. Your subconscious mind says, 'Yeah right.' and then you find yourself picking up the crumbs with the pad of your finger (and licking it!) and wondering what happened.
Because (if you're like me) you've indulged in this type of behavior for awhile, start small. Make small promises and agreements, and keep them. Then go for something a little bigger. Build your word-keeping muscles a little bit at a time.
Before you know it, you'll feel better about yourself. You'll keep your word automatically ~ to yourself and others. The side-benefits and results will make you smile and really happy (all the way down to your toes).
My alarm went off early this morning. It goes off at the same time every morning (except Sunday): 5 a.m. I do a 9 minute snooze and meditation, then I do my morning workout. This morning I woke up with a headache. I felt like doing a number of things much more than I felt like "moving and breathing." But regardless of how I feel when the alarm goes off, 98% of the time I do it anyway.
Regardless of what's going on in my business, with my daughter, my family or my friends, and most of the time, my physical body, I know that in order to achieve my BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals), I have to take action. Those actions must be specific, intentional and made with a high level of urgency.
I know I can convince myself I'm feeling good enough ~ or not. I can create a story around what I'm committed to, and then get moving because I'm inspired by that story. And so can you! You can create a plan and then stick to that plan. You can completely upgrade, change, improve ~ or all three ~ your life.
You'll create a plan and you'll be excited. Then daily life will set in and your enthusiasm may wane. Its in those moments you must re-commit to your decision, you must continue to put one foot in front of the other. Regardless.
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