I feel like its been forever since I've blogged. Truth is, my daughter is in year-round school and for the past two weeks she's been on a break. So every single moment I haven't had to work, we've been doing fun things together. When she turned 9 last month, I realized "it's half over" ... meaning, in another 9 years (or less) she'll be off to college and creating her own life. The opportunities to braid her hair and cuddle up and watch a movie will be gone.

I made a conscious decision to ignore the laundry, dust and emails and focus on creating magic moments with her. Last night we ordered Chinese food and watched the original Parent Trap. It was awesome! We spent time shopping, planning a slumber party, going to the bookstore and the park. 

I know the things I haven't done are still waiting for me, and that's really quite ok! She'll be back in school on Monday and I'll be right back to being Mach I with my hair on fire making great progress towards my goals. If you're one of the people I owe a phone call, I'll be back in touch soon! If you're a single mom with lots to do, don't worry! It will all wait while you read your cute little one a story or push them on the swing for just a little longer. I don't regret the time I've spent with my daughter, the only thing I regret so far is that I didn't do more of it.

Have a fantastic weekend!

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Friday my little car got broken into.  The driver's side window was completely smashed in, and our very expensive GPS was stolen.  This happened in front of our house, but I don't know exactly when.  The last time I saw that my car was "in tact" was the previous night at about 9pm.

A perfect stranger came knocking on our door at 1:30 pm to tell us that our car had been broken into.  Glass was everywhere!  At first, we didn't think anything had been stolen.  My new stereo was still there (I hadn't taken the faceplate off) and our XM radio reciever was still there.  Then we realized that the GPS was gone.  I never heard the alarm go off, but the door was still locked and the alarm was still blinking.  So it's possible it started and then turned itself off after a while.  I'll never know for sure.

This upset me greatly.  I'd never had anything stolen from me before, and certainly my property had never been intruded upon like that.  I felt violated, anxious, and wanted to run away.  Fight or flight instincts kicking in at overtime!  It was at the end of the work day and I still had to deal with customers, and continue to do business while fighting back tears.

I knew that I had to let myself feel my emotions, though.  I knew that if I tried to push them back and away that I wouldn't be able to get rid of them.  That which you resist, persists.  So I just let myself be upset until the end of the work day.  Then my boyfriend and I took my sons over to my moms house for the night, went to the police department to report the crime, and then headed off for a dinner alone and some fun.

As soon as I reported it to the police, I started feeling better.  Probably because I felt like I was "taking charge" of the situation, even though there was nothing that the police can really do about it.  Then when my boyfriend and I went out to dinner I started feeling a lot better.

We got the window replaced that same day, for a reasonable price.  Then over the weekend we replaced the GPS with unexpected money.  So all in all, bad things happened, but it all turned out just fine.

The important thing that I have learned is that bad things are going to happen, you can't stop them from happening sometimes.    When they do happen, you have to let yourself be upset for a little while and then do whatever it takes to get yourself back on the happy track.  Don't try to stop yourself from "feeling", allow it and let it go.  Validate your emotions, accept them, and then find your way of making yourself feel better.

What really matters is how you react to circumstances that makes your life happy or miserable.  It's your choice to make.  Do I let myself tumble into despair for days because of something bad happening, or do I pick myself up and get on with my life with a smile?  So which have you chosen in the past?  Which will you choose next time something bad happens?

In the  Honoree's book, The Successful Single Mom, she writes about this in the chapter "So What, Now What?"  She talks about this concept in the broader sense of your life, but it can also work in every situation that is difficult to deal with. 

Honoree says " You can't run east looking for a sunset... and you can't drive forward in reverse, looking in your rear-view mirror.  So stop it - right now.  Trust me, you'll get where you want to go faster when you focus on there (the future) instead of here or even back there."

Basically, how can you get the great things you want in life, if you're stuck in the muck of the past.  Even the recent past, can trap you in negativity.  Don't let it keep you there!  Find that happy thought and focus on that and you can move forward.  Then all the good things that are waiting for you will keep coming.

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Today I needed somewhere for Lexi to be while I went to a lunch meeting. She's in year-round school and currently on a break (every working moms dream ... kids out of school on a work day!). My girlfriend needed to go to an appointment and needed somewhere for her daughter to be for that hour. So my daughter went to hang out with my gal pal for a couple of hours, then I met her at her appointment and sat in the lobby with her small fry, fed her lunch and let my kiddo read both of us a story.

A beautiful example of support in action!

How did it happen? I a-s-k-e-d for what I needed. So did my girlfriend. 

If you're a single mom who has stuff to do (of course!), you need to create a support system so you can get it all done. Seek out other single moms. I've said about 50 times in as many days: every one knows a single mom, is/was a single mom or was raised by a single mom. Start with your kid's daycare or school. Ask your friends, neighbors and co-workers who they know who is a single mom. Begin to create girlfriends who can help you on a regular basis, and in a pinch. 

As the saying goes, "Many hands make light work." The only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't do it sooner!

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I got the following email this morning:

 Hi Honoree,
I wanted to let you know that I am about half way through your Successful Single Mom's book (for the first time) and am loving it! I love your style and ability to connect with and encourage me through your words. I have finally forced myself to put aside the time to sit and read it and go back and work on the exercises. I have to admit that I am finding it difficult to "create a new story," as I am hung up on the "how the hell did I make such a huge mistake in marrying that man and having 2 children with him?" Don't get me wrong, my children are my world, but now they are stuck with a loser father for the rest of their lives because of a mistake in judgement that I made. I am proud to say I made the decision to leave him and try to create a better future for us without him, but I still can't believe I ended up with such a jerk! Any advice of how to overcome this guilt and move on? I know I need to stop beating myself up for it, as what is done is done and there is no going back to change it, but...
Thank you again and any words of wisdom you can share will be appreciated.
Kelly

Dear Kelly,

I so resonate with your question - I have asked myself that question as recently as three weeks ago! The conclusion I've come to is I made the best choice I was able to make at the time. 

Put down the hammer, mama! The first step is in forgiving yourself. I am constantly reminded about my choice whenever my daughter is sad about her dad or has a complete meltdown because she just doesn't understand why he's doing or not doing something and is hurt. The thing to remember is that while your kids might be stuck with a loser father, they are clearly lucky in that they have a caring, thoughtful mom who is doing everything she can think of ~ including asking for help! Kudos to you!

Look to the future instead of focusing on the past. You can't change your past choices, yet you can learn from them and use those lessons to make better ones in the future.

Your little ones will be just fine! Hang in there, mom! You're doing just fine.

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So yesterday my youngest turned 4.  As the responsible parent, I generally have to plan it all.  Book the party, buy the food, send out the invitations, etc. etc.  The only thing I asked my ex to do was to show up for the party (well, and to help pay the balance).

I have full physical custody, and so my ex only has the kids one whole night of the week, from Saturday night to Sunday night.  That's it.  But somehow, he wasn't able to get his gift buying d0ne during the other 6 days, because he called Saturday afternoon to ask to pick up the kids 2 hours late so he could go shopping.  *sigh*...ok.  Go shopping.  His kid needs a present, right?

So we held the party at the local children's museum and we were all going there at 1pm.  The kids want to ride in the car with Grandpa, so we pick them up at my ex's place and head over to the museum.  The official party is from 3-5pm, but I know the kids are going to want more time.  My ex says he's right behind us and will meet us there.

That was 12:30.  We get to the museum at 1pm and the kids take off to play.  2pm and more kids show up.  Tristan is having a riot, and the clock it ticking.  2:30--no Dad.  The cake and ice cream is at 3, so I figure he'll get there soon, right?  3:50--still no Dad.  So I text him, "Where are you?"  His reply "I'm at WalMart getting more presents."  WTF!!!  For real??!!  I say "um...his party is in 10 min, I guess you are missing it?"  He replies, "I'm on my way."  Yes, we all know that BUYING presents is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than actually BEING THERE, right??!!!

I stall for time, but kids get restless and are ready for more fun.  So at 3:30 I finally cave.  We light the candles, sing to Tristan, and eat cake.  At 3:50 the kids cheer that we are all ready for more fun in the museum and we all start headed out the door of the party room when the jerk finally saunters in.

Of course the kids are happy to see him.  They give him a quick hug and off they run to go play.  He just wanders around aimlessly the rest of the time.  He doesn't even manage to play with his own son at the Museum.  I mean, really, WTF!!!!

The unofficial "after-party" is a BBQ at his place for a smaller group of family and friends (his idea, not mine).  *sigh*.  I don't want to disappoint my kids, so I do my duty and head to his place with the other friends in tow. 

Ok, so my kids are happy because their best friends are there.  And they are enjoying playing with each other.  Greg does his absolute best to be anti-social while drinking in the corner and the only people there are the ones I've invited: my dad, my uncle, Adam/Nicki and the kids. 

So I think I managed to play nice.  I didn't even make any snide comments to Greg (although it was difficult).  And overall, the day turned out ok for Tristan, but today I am seething.   How flippin' difficult is it to just SHOW UP?? 

Sierra is old enough to have noticed that her dad was 3 hours late to Tristan's party too.  So what do I say to her?  So how in the world do the rest of you manage moments like this?  How do you explain things to your kids so you don't mess them up for life??  How do you deal with your own anger?  Feel free to post your own thoughts.

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