With a list of things to do as long as your arm, I know it's tough to take some time for yourself. Perhaps the likelihood of you taking a two-week European vacation is as likely as me going to the moon (very-highly-unlikely). I get it.
Time to relax, recharge and rest is an absolute necessity. It's good for the mind, body and spirit. As usual, single moms are the first to put themselves last, so what can you do? You can take mini, super-mini and ultra-mini vacations.
The mini-vacation: a two-to-three-day weekend when your kids are at their dads, their grandparents or your best friend's house. When I have a few days to myself, I do all of the things that just aren't possible when my sweet daughter is around: read a book uninterrupted for hours, take a looooong nap, go window-shopping, meet a good friend for lunch or maybe even a spa day (afternoon?) ... this list is endless!
The super-mini vacation is from a few hours to 24 hours long. It's can be the ultimate self-care stay-cation. Buy some bath potions, get a nice bottle of wine, some ice-cream and other favorite foods and put yourself in seclusion. Or put yourself in seclusion with an amazing girlfriend so you can catch up ... or another special friend.
The ultra-mini lasts from 30-seconds to 5 minutes. Try a closed-eye meditation that allows you to release tension from every inch of your body and infuse it with good vibrations. You can find great, free meditations on iTunes or YouTube. Sometimes if that's all you get, that's all you get. Make the most of what you get!
In the end, putting yourself first will make your kids feel amazing! Wouldn't you agree that every kid wants a happy mom?
Spend some time very soon taking care of you.
Posted by: Honoree in Untagged on
Jul 15, 2010
I met a fellow single mom for coffee yesterday. Her four-year-old child acts out after visits with her dad, wants mom to have dad's rules (no bedtime, eat anything and everything ... I guess that would be dad's lack of rules), and throws temper tantrums with increasing frequency. I shared with her one of my secrets to single (and married) parenting sanity: our child-and-family therapist.
For the record, I was completely resistant to therapy when it was first suggested to me. What? My child? No, of course she's fine. She's well-adjusted, happy and even benefiting from me spending time with just her. In truth, she's angry about the divorce - is now and has been for quite some time ~ pretty much ever since she discovered other kids had (their biological) dads that were active in their lives and school and she didn't. Oy. What's a mother to do?
Therapy offers your child a place to discuss their feelings without fear of judgment (of course you don't like your ex and your kid knows it - so they're not probably not going to feel like they can be truly honest with you about how they feel). It offers a safe place to complain about you. The best part is they have a trained professional to help them see the situation as it truly is, without the raised emotions or back story. Our fabulous therapist tells it like it is, gives age-appropriate tools and suggestions, and really helps Lexi find her voice and process her emotions.
I'm not suggesting therapy is right for every child, but I've found our therapist has been invaluable as a tremendous resource for clarity, tools and ideas, most of which I would never have had the knowledge to think of or even find. You just might, too.
My daughter doesn't care how much money I make (or don't make), what kind of car I drive or how good I look in a pencil skirt, all she wants is quality time. She wants to help me cook, play the Wii, even help me file my receipts. She's an excellent "shipper" ... she puts labels on packages I mail out and stamps on notes I write. All of that in her mind is QT: quality time.
It's so hard working, keeping the house in order, the paper monster under control and let's not mention the dust bunnies (dust rhinos?) that need to be eliminated. All of that can wait, I've discovered, in exchange for the joy I see on my daughter's face when I shine my light on her.
So we've been playing games, reading books together and every day for the past couple of weeks I've taken her to the pool. In our community we have a great pool where the residents gather to eat, socialize and play (let's not forget tanning, there's a lot of tanning going on!). Even with 45 minutes between homework or errands or karate, we run up there just to have a smidgin of fun before it's back to whatever is next.
I know for sure I'm all the better for turning off the computer, the phones, and the TV and just asking her what she wants to do with me. Sometimes it is turn on the computer and play a game, rent a movie and pop popcorn or just read another book in the Nancy Drew series. Take some extra time very soon to shine your light on your kids and watch how happy all of you become. That's what I call a successful single mom in action!
The first couple of years of being a single mom were some of the toughest and darkest years I can remember. Wondering if I would be single forever. Hopeful I would be a good mom and would raise a happy, well-adjusted young lady. Wanting to be successful enough to provide not just the basics but some extras, too.
The lesson that kept repeating itself until I got it (and isn't that the way it always is?) was this: Everything always works out the way its supposed to, and suffering is optional.
Worrying doesn't help. Stressing doesn't help. Trying to force a result doesn't work. The only thing that I know for sure that works is to let go and have faith. A positive attitude and expecting great things also makes the process easier.
If you're "in your shit," in the midst of a challenge, or just having a tough day, let the situation go. Expect everything to work out for the good of all concerned and put your focus on what's really important: you and your kids.
Hang in there, single moms. It really will all be okay.
"The antidote of fear is faith." ~Honoree
I'm on my way to a jewelry party this afternoon with about 20 other women ... most of them moms. Their children (including mine and two of her friends) will all be there, for a total of about 40 people. It promises to be a wonderful time of laughing, eating, drinkings, shopping and bonding.
We've been doing events like this, both with children and without, for the past few months and they are such great fun. We're even working on starting a book club in the next few weeks.
If its Saturday (or any day) and you're home alone with your kid(s), wondering how to add more fun to your life, this is one way I know for sure works! Gather up your (single and non-single) mom friends and plan events at the park, your house, their house, the library ... wherever!
As my daughter's best friend Kelsey's mom says: "There's safety in numbers!"
Sometimes its hard to open up to other women, but I can tell you from personal experience, its really worth it!
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